1nceptive

All Things said and Done I have made all my decisions and will love, care, and support them... A new chapter has opened and a new life is made... :D.. Excitement, worry, nervousness, and conflict only remain.. We'll see where I turn out, but I will love it either way for my decision has been made.

I've started over.... I know that I had thought things that were just never going to become a reality... But trully I was mistaken and knew in my heart that it would never change... As I grow I loose those who are a great influence in my life but gain more in the process.... As one leaves two others take their place.... As I wished upon a star every night and thought WHY? it occured to me it was for the best and really it wasn't for me.... It's one thing to love but another to cherish and adapt to change... That is what I'm doing and I think that it'll be ok.... I'll soon see the truth and as time goes by know if its right for me.... But right now its the best because I could not ask for anymore.... Those who are important to me are there and thats all I need the past needs to be forgotten because its only full of pain, anger, and tears.... It'll turn out different now because I mold my fate and I know it will...

I knew that when all was said and done that I would find myself closer than ever to my goals in life. To find that special someone whom I think can spend my life with... Doubts ran through my mind but only because I felt unfinished and hurt inside but through that time spent away because of actions I know it'll be better. I have nothing at all holding me back anymore and chances were made, but I knew that it would just never come to play. Time is a valuable thing, and when it runs out a new chapter in your life begins. I dwelled thinking I could go back when I had that chance, but its too late... "I hold in my arms my life, my love, and my purpose." No one agrees but no one can change that anymore. My decision, and I guess there's no turning back. I'm happy, feel appreciated, loved, cared for through any circumstance. Honestly I wouldn't ask for anything else in the world because I have the tender touch of everything that i've wanted... Commitment... It's all that I looked for when I searched for that Special someone... Cuts have to be made in my life, and they've already started... Where is everyone nowadays.... The answer to that is CUT, and more will be made, for my well being... The loss, undying love, and promises that I believed to be my hope has left and my love for my greatest supporter and lover will conquer all...

All things said and done, eyes wide open... Who knew it would be that quick, everything out in the open and just realizing a lot.... I guess that I was mistaken and that through all feelings felt walking back to the inevitable would be something done because of the feelings that lay inside.... I've opened up myself to see where it stands and clearly it was the best thing to do... I know where all stands and where I really should be.... I'm sorry but it really was my only chance and regret it all because it was clearly seen by everyone the amount of happiness I had.... I shall walk but not alone, maybe with someone who cares for me the way I do for them... I'm sorry I guess at one point I won't follow through and knowing was for the best... Never forgotten... Just moving on... just not by myself... But when to reveal that is the only question because I know the truth in both cases... and one leans to what I was hoping to have... So lets hopefully work towards it, together...... Goodbye to the past, time to work on my flaws and mistakes for the future...

*When you find that soul mate never let go, because as time passes memories disappear....

As I sit here contemplating I dream of the Past as it was, and hope it can be the future once more.. But I know in my heart that it will never be... I am and will Always be too late.. I cannot choose my fate, but only live it... I've Loved and lost and only dream of what it could be once more...

I have thought long and hard abouts things that have just been in the back of my mind. Experienced times where I thought maybe and just let it go because as I see the surroundings and the time I am just full of doubt. I don't know whether to stand up or just walk away. Time has told many stories and in this one I doubt anything will come out better. I am shot through many circumstances and problems that through my awareness of everything I feel as if trying will just help me fail once more. So I grow and live my life with just Me, and in time expand my horizons to what I know I deserve, and that' Success.

*how do I know everything will be as they use too when I was excelling? Only time will tell I guess?

SO ever since I turned 19 all i've been doing is drinking??? I think thats bad.. "damn I'm an Alci".. aw well whatever makes me feel good.. =D.. But a lot of things have occured to me since then. I can do whatever whenever and with whoever... but the thing is its just boring... because its all been done before. I've lived an older life with all the obstacles in between and I find life boring... I have bills like an old person and I spend as if money is coming out of my ass.... Damn somethings gotta change. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND! I see a car in the near future like 2007 BITCHES! so i'll be driving with the stress following my rear end.. hahah BUT whatever works... Loving everything around me but home.. its just a place I stay because I have too, not because I want to but it keeps me away from the bills and stress that cloud my mind.(not you Agatha) everything else..... :S... But I walk not alone but with someone by my side that has always been there through the good and the bad... But in someway I still feel empty. I have the void that is deep within me that I just want to fill but can't. Is there something missing? I think so but I just don't know what. Only time will tell....
*BUT FOR NOW ENJOY AND RELAX, ITS A FRESH START SOON!!!!!

As I remember the sorrows that have past I depise myself for creating them. But through forgiveness and time it heals a broken heart. I'm sorry that I hurt you and left you for that small time but I love you and care for you more because you were able to give me a chance to redeem myself. I will never do anything to hurt you like I did yesterday. I love you and never want to hurt someone I care for more than anyone else here with me.

Its over and done and I can't do anything to stop it... I made the mistake and letting go and now I'm regretting it.. I love her and can't have her back...just like everyone else that was in my life..... forget it all and forget me because like everything was in the past so will I...
BYE

So for the past maybe month and a half i've been working straight without breaks really and I'm actually enjoying it. Although I've cut back in the gym, something that i've love to do since time i guess I need the cash flow... but doesn't mean i've stopped... Well i've been really tired lately and havent spoke to any of my family since about the second week of April and I'm doing better than I ever have, I feel much happier and less stressed.. I love knowing that I have the support of those who I carefor the most and know that in time everything will be back to how I wanted it to because all it takes is time.. So yeah been going out recently and never really at home, I think that the best place we've gone just to relax is harbourfront and Woodbine because although money isn't spent i just love the company and calm feeling that we have.. Well was kinda bored but ya know I think I'm good now... Well be back Later!!!!!!!!!